Month: June 2024

Creepiest NCO selected as unit SHARP rep


Any resemblance to any incarcerated Harvey Weinstein is coincidental FORT GORDON, Ga. — The 22nd Signal Battalion has selected Sgt. 1st Class Michael Anthony to take over as representative for the unit Sexual Harassment & Assault Response and Prevention (SHARP) program following the retirement of Master Sgt. Harvey Weinstein*. According to his official biography, Anthony […]

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Air Force celebrates Pride Month with rainbow-colored munitions


THE PENTAGON — As the U.S. military observes Pride Month and celebrates the contributions of LGBTQ service members to America’s security, the Air Force is showcasing its commitment to inclusivity with Pride-themed munitions for use in conflicts around the world, sources confirmed today. “The other services have been emphasizing their work creating an inclusive environment […]

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SMA’s weekend safety brief at GITMO deemed ‘cruel and unusual’


If you can’t wrap it, slap it! GUANTÁNAMO BAY, CUBA — A minor inconvenience for service members is now being used to glean intelligence from some of the world’s most dangerous people. According to officials, the Department of Defense has implemented a new enhanced interrogation procedure: subjecting long-held “Gitmo” detainees to a non-stop weekend safety […]

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J.D. Vance: The math on D-Day doesn’t add up


By Senator J.D. Vance On June 6th, 2024, as globalist elites mark the 80th anniversary of the Allied invasion of Europe, Americans should take a moment to reflect on what a catastrophic waste of our manpower and resources this effort to counter a maniacal, existential threat to the free world really was. The math just […]

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Army to host next SWCS change of command ceremony on OnlyFans


FORT LIBERTY, N.C. — The Army’s Special Warfare Center and School (SWCS) will broadcast its next change of command ceremony exclusively on OnlyFans, sources confirmed today. The unconventional decision follows a recent change of command ceremony that went awry due to an unexpected Zoom interruption. Share According to officials, the incident earlier this week sent the […]

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Has your child joined the Army? You may be entitled to compensation


Somebody ‘bout to get paid. Our legal team visits every recruiting event to make sure we get a piece of the pie if your child has been abused by military recruiting practices. (Source: DVIDS 265450 and that strip mall lawyer you’ve seen on local TV) STRIP MALL LAW OFFICE NEXT TO THE RECRUITING STATION, Your […]

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Navy seeks ball gag order for submarine commander


Cdr. Topper in less restrained days. NAVY SUBMARINE BASE KING’S BAY, GA — The Navy is seeking a ball gag order for Cdr. Dominic Topper, the former commanding officer of the Ohio-class submarine USS George Santos in the wake of accusations of multiple felonies and violations of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. The crimes […]

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