Hangin' on Posco Pier!
What goes on deployment, stays on deployment. And sometimes a cheap motel in Cortez Hills. WASHINGTON — Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Lisa Franchetti said Friday that the Navy would actively ignore Article 134 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) in an effort to improve retention. Article 134, which applies to extra-marital relations, […]
FORT DRUM, N.Y. — Listen up, Fam! We don’t have long and I have a lot to do before my world tour, I mean liberty! We are coming up on the weekend and as we all know, a lot can happen. Before I say “Bye, Bye, Bye” to all of you chuckleheads, we have to […]
This isn’t Rush Week, boys. This is war. Well, actually it IS Rush Week, but you know what I mean. OXFORD, Miss. — While forcing a fraternity pledge to funnel a quart of grain alcohol, Channing Hanscomb Thatcher III, Hazing Director of the Ole Miss Chapter of Alpha Chi fraternity, announced that he would have […]
WASHINGTON — The Army will begin issuing 50-pound burlap sacks of grain to reenlisting soldiers in an effort to fight food insecurity across the force and increase morale at the same time, Army Chief of Staff Gen. Randy George announced at a press conference today. “We feel this is a positive measure that will show […]
By Jeffrey Sowa WASHINGTON — The D.C. National Guard has successfully broken up a protest at Georgetown University by launching enlistment and employment information into the crowds of protestors, sources confirmed today. “Once we saw the violence that persisted around the country, like at Columbia University, we launched an intelligence campaign to determine a unique […]
By Jeffrey Sowa FORT LIBERTY, N.C. — Former President Donald Trump has been sentenced to work a Friday staff duty during the Juneteenth four-day weekend, sources confirmed today. The 45th president will serve the sentence following his high-profile New York felony trial, where he was convicted of 34 felonies. “This is an absolute disgrace and […]
Imma let you finish but…first I gotta say something stupid. WASHINGTON — The Pentagon announced today the launch of its new “See Something Stupid, Say Something Stupid” campaign, which encourages military personnel to report instances of sheer stupidity within the ranks while implicitly acknowledging the inherent stupidity involved in military service that will render that […]
People challenged by basic hygiene deliver world peace MIDDLEBURY, Vt. — In a stunning turn of events that has left world leaders and military strategists speechless, all conflicts in the Middle East have come to an abrupt end following a spirited albeit loosely organized student protest on the quad of Middlebury College in Middlebury, Vermont. […]
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Father’s Day is a happy occasion for many servicemembers, and this year the Marines of 1st Battalion, 7th Marines have a special reason to celebrate. As the battalion stood proudly in formation on a wind-swept parade deck made fragrant by nearby Lake Santini, commanding officer Lt. Col. Todd Ota welcomed the […]
Airmen practice relaxing for less than four consecutive hours COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — A new study from the Air Force Academy Metal Flying Things Research Center has found that 77% of the Air Force is unfit for service in the real world. Share “Airmen are delicate beings that have very creative minds and can’t be […]