Hangin' on Posco Pier!
FORT HOOD CAVAZOS, Texas — Fort Cavazos, formerly Fort Hood, plans to keep doing the absolute bare minimum by renaming a post gate after yet another murdered female soldier. The gate will be named in honor of Pvt. Ana Basaldua Ruiz, who was found murdered at Fort Hood Cavazos, earlier this month. Duffel Blog is […]
By Robin Berger; HQ SPACE FORCE, Moon — Space Force Reserve Guardians and National Guardian Guardsmen are preparing for another “Netflix and Drill” weekend after the release Friday of Space Force Guardian in Chief Gen. B. Chance Saltzman’s annual guidance for professional movie binge-watching. Subscribe now A Guardian spokesman shared the list by unnecessarily airdropping […]
Photo by Mariia Shalabaieva on Unsplash By The Ghost of Jimmy Carter The Space Force—which some have called “the Coast Guard of the U.S. military”—has declared insolvency following the crash of Silicon Valley Bank (SVB). Initial reports estimate SVB held cryptocurrency for the service equivalent to some 80 percent of the Space Force’s roughly $1.2 […]
In an organization-wide effort to cut costs and modernize its aging officer corps, the Department of Defense has announced plans to migrate all field grade officers to the cloud. Subscribe now “We have thousands of legacy O-4s, O-5s, and O-6s sitting idle in on premises infrastructure, sucking up funds and air,” Secretary of Defense Lloyd […]
@SanDiegoWebCam photo US NAVAL SUPPORT ACTIVITY, SOUDA BAY — The nuclear submarine USS West Dakota (SSN-013) docked for repairs today after an apparent and totally like, accidental, underwater collision with the recently downed US MQ-9 Reaper drone. Sixth Fleet representative Cdr. Helene Marcopolis said that the Titanic-class nuclear submarine was on a routine whale watching […]
MYRTLE BEACH, South Carolina — While attempting to escape the communist regime of China for the sanctuary of the United States, aerial balloonist Dong Chao Feiyu met a grizzly end over the waters of the U.S. East Coast last month. Following the orders of President Joe Biden, the Air Force blew both the balloon and […]
By Robin Berger JOINT BASE PEARL HARBOR-HICKAM, Hawaii — Senior naval officers gathered for a St. Patrick’s Day celebration at the Red Hill Underground Fuel Storage Facility, where they spilled green-tinted diesel over a key aquifer that supplies the island of Oahu with fresh water. Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Michael Gilday, Pacific Fleet Commander […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade Duluth, Minn. — Since leaving the Army last month, local veteran Justin Smart has been struggling with where on his body to have his recently earned professional certifications tattooed, sources confirm. “I already have my basic training platoon motto tattooed on my calf,” Smart told reporters. “And I’ve got a pretty […]
By Cat Atronaut UNDISCLOSED LOCATION — During a harrowing firefight this morning, sources report that at least one Marine stopped masturbating long enough to return fire. “We were taking heavy machine gun and mortar fire, but not so heavy that I didn’t think I could finish first,” Lance Cpl. Richard Yankovich said. “Then Staff Sergeant […]
By Clay Beyersdorfer Washington, D.C. — The U.S. Army revealed a new logo yesterday on social media as part of a larger rebrand. The new emblem features a bold, modern design sure to impress military enthusiasts and casual observers alike. However, there is one thing that the Army wants to make crystal clear: this logo […]