Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Cobra Commander SCHOFIELD BARRACKS, Hawaii — After hours of troubleshooting, the soldiers of the 1st Battalion, 21st Infantry finally realized why they were having issues qualifying on the M4 range. “Turns out we were aiming our rifles backward,” said Sgt. Nate Freeman. “Boy, are our faces red!” For much of the day, soldiers were […]
MOSCOW — Recently sworn-in Russian and champion of civil liberties Edward Snowden is beginning to suspect that the government in Moscow may be spying on the nation’s 143 million citizens, according to multiple sources. “I can’t put my finger on it,” said Snowden to his friend and GRU handler Ivanna Belyaev. “I can’t shake the […]
FAYETTEVILLE, NC — Regional adult entertainment establishment owners are putting their asses out there for a change and leading a massive weapons donations drive for Ukraine, sources confirmed today. “Yep, we’re sending arms to Ukraine,” said Salvatore “Sonny” Sabarro, owner of the popular Cheetah 4 “Kitty Glitter” gentleman’s club in Fayetteville. “This is hella more […]
By As For Class THE PENTAGON — After months of indirect support, sanctions, and mean tweets, the United States has shocked the world by announcing that it will upgrade its support of the conflict in Ukraine by invading Iraq. “It’s the last thing Russia would expect,” said Air Force Brig. Gen. Patrick Ryder, the Pentagon’s […]
Photo by Jim Vondruska/Getty Images) By Medal of Dishonor JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Wash. — Following a hectic two weeks of holiday travel, many U.S. military service members have felt the aftereffects of bad weather, canceled flights, and wasted precious days of leave. Airman 1st Class Evan Parker, for example, was informed by leadership that his […]
Soldiers cry tears of joy after feeling the glory of Army tear gas raining down on them. FORT CARSON, Colo. — Some 8,000 soldiers with the 4th Infantry Division were purposely tear-gassed days after returning from holiday leave as part of a massive demoralizing event in which soldiers scaled obstacles, ran up hills, and counted […]