Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Clay Beyersdorfer SHILOH, Ill. — A local Applebee’s Neighborhood Bar & Grill waitress has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after working a shift on Veterans Day, sources confirmed today. Paid Duffel Blog subscribers get more stories, comments, and full archive access (and are incredibly handsome and smart). To receive new posts and […]
There’s nothing more exciting than coming downstairs on Veterans Day morning to find out what presents The Veteran has brought you from faraway lands. But everyone knows if you want that gift you’ve been hoping for all year, you better leave out some tasty treats on Veterans Day Eve. The consequences of doing otherwise could […]
Elon Musk attends Heidi Klum’s 21st Annual Halloween Party presented by Now Screaming x Prime Video and Baileys Irish Cream Liqueur at Sake No Hana at Moxy Lower East Side on October 31, 2022 in New York City. (Photo by Noam Galai/Getty Images for Heidi Klum) By Carl SIMI VALLEY, California — SpaceX CEO and […]
By Off The Beaten Path FORT STEWART, Ga. — Army Emergency Relief (AER) has announced a pilot program allowing donations through OnlyFans, with Fort Stewart selected to serve as the test site due to its high deployment tempo and famously low morale, sources confirmed today. “I’m pretty sure we’re getting dangerously close to the definition […]
By Task Force Football Bat THE RAPIDLY MOVING RUSSIAN FRONT, UKRAINE — After snorting back his umpteenth shot of vodka, Russian Colonel General Sergei Surovkin said today marked “two whole weeks” of not being schwacked by plucky Ukrainian underdogs or some lurking inside attacker since assuming command of all Russian forces in Ukraine. Surovkin, whose […]
Kneel before the goggle dog. WASHINGTON — The Defense Information Systems Agency has revealed that military users don’t actually have to enter their Common Access Card PIN so many times while using their computers, but the policy is in place merely because they love to watch you squirm. “Believe it or not, there’s actually no […]
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A Marine lance corporal has apologized to the National Football League after comparing his own divorce with that of legendary quarterback and yodeling champion Tom Brady. Luke Powell, a 3043 Supply Specialist assigned to Combat Logistics Regiment-2, recently told his supply section that his mid-deployment divorce was almost like being the […]