Hangin' on Posco Pier!
SANTA MONICA — The ongoing war in Ukraine has been revealed to be an elaborate marketing campaign for Modern Warfare 2, the next game in the Call of Duty franchise. “We are excited to bring Call of Duty fans across the globe the next groundbreaking iteration in the Modern Warfare mythos,” said Activision Chief Marketing […]
Editor’s note: Duffel Blog will return with new content on Monday after a short holiday break. Until then, we’re sharing Thanksgiving-related articles from our archive. Here’s a story we first published on Nov. 23, 2016. Enjoy! By Danger Close QUANTICO, Va. — The Pentagon on Wednesday issued an emergency recall of more than 750,000 Meals, […]
Editor’s note: Duffel Blog will return with new content on Monday after a short holiday break. Until then, we’re sharing Thanksgiving-related articles from our archive. Here’s a story we first published on Nov. 26, 2014. Enjoy! WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senior U.S. officials are literally calling “fowl” after the Thanksgiving turkey pardoned by President Obama publicly […]
By Off the Beaten Path WASHINGTON — Senior White House officials are on high alert following reports that Chelsea Manning has leaked her grandmother’s secret Thanksgiving recipes to Southern Living magazine. This marks the first time Manning has leaked secret documents to the public in over a decade. “This is the greatest form of treason […]
Very few people read the first Duffel Blog story published in 2012—which came true a few years later—but I kept at it and wrote a new article every few days, posting to social networks and sharing with friends. Some laughed. Others asked, “wait, wtf? Is this real?” And then, one day, I got an email […]
The new F-35Tay in combat over Syria. (Department of Defense photo) THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense announced today that from this point forward, all models of the F-35 Lightning II will be made entirely out of Taylor Swift concert tickets. “We demand the highest quality building materials for our aircraft, and there’s nothing […]
By Slab Squatthrust BILLERICA, Mass. — The small number of attendees who turned out for the funeral of a U.S. Army corporal who died last month during an undisclosed operation may have been special operations or just a really obnoxious dumbass that nobody liked, sources confirmed today. According to sources, Josh Lencz’s casket was transported […]
THE PENTAGON — The Department of Defense has announced that troops’ identification tags will now include the wearer’s preferred pronouns, sources confirmed today. The added security measure will enhance the United States’ readiness posture and ability to colonize the Moon. “We have over 3,000 pronouns that service members can select while receiving their ID tags,” […]
THE WHITE HOUSE — President Joe Biden awarded the Caldecott Medal to Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black in a ceremony held in the East Room on Tuesday before assembled military dignitaries, family members, and Mrs. Juanita Gonzales’s kindergarten class from Thomson Elementary School for his bestselling children’s book, Shut the Fuck […]
Getty Images By Bad Lawyer KYIV, Ukraine — Superstar Jennifer Lopez has been killed in Ukraine, again. Lopez is best known for her prestigious music and acting career and for dying during roughly 147 military deployments since Operation Desert Storm. News of Lopez’s demise quickly spread through the American Lance Corporal underground and was confirmed […]