Hangin' on Posco Pier!
BEIJING—Weeks after the FBI removed 27 boxes of classified material from former President Donald Trump’s residence in Mar-a-Lago, Florida, the FBI has launched an even larger raid to remove some 895 million improperly-obtained classified documents from the People’s Republic of China. Several cruise ships full of FBI agents docked at Chinese ports this morning, and […]
UKRAINE—In another telling development that its invasion of Ukraine is not going well, Russia has recently started calling up forces from the Strategic Has-Been Reserve. Most notably, famous has-been Steven Seagal was deployed to occupied territory in an attempt to shore up the tenuous situation there. “It wasn’t a complete surprise,” said Lt. Gen Blake […]
WASHINGTON—The Army said Friday it would stop using black mold to construct barracks facilities for junior enlisted soldiers, sources confirmed today. In a sharp reversal of a 1970s-era Army program known as Project Black Lung, officials outlined a series of steps the service would take to build living facilities for the modern soldier without using […]
Photo by Scott Rodgerson on Unsplash By Slab Squatthrust WEST POINT, N.Y.—A family of four has been arrested by military police for an alleged “license plate game” cheating scandal in the commissary parking lot at the United States Military Academy, officials confirmed today. The husband, wife, and two children were witnessed checking off an insane […]
Purple Hearts- Picture:Netflix CAMP PENDLETON, California—Marriages in the Marine Corps are on the rise after the release of the popular Netflix film Purple Hearts, according to a recent study. Officials confirmed that since the film’s release on July 29, enrollment of new Marine spouses in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS) has increased threefold. […]
WASHINGTON—A federal commission tasked with studying the conduct of Operation Enduring Freedom has identified the exact PowerPoint slide that turned a corner in the war, making it unwinnable. “It stands to reason that if slides could win the war, that slides could lose the war,” said Nathaniel Riggins, chair of the Afghanistan Reconstruction Group House […]
The Atlantic Ocean is seen adjacent to President Donald Trump’s beach front Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missile and Mar-a-Lago Resort. (Photo illustration Duffel Blog/Joe Raedle/Getty Images) MAR-A-LAGO—Former President Donald Trump blasted FBI “overreach” on Friday after hundreds of agents entered his home and private club in Florida and seized a nuclear intercontinental ballistic missile launcher, […]
KABUL—Days after the United States killed top Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri, the leading jobs website for Afghanistan, AFG JOBS, has posted a hiring position for ‘The Leader of Al Qaeda.’ “The Leader of Al Qaeda applies their professional expertise and unique skill sets to their daily work, including fundraising, operations planning, or just staying […]
OUTSIDE WRIGHT-PATTERSON AIR BASE — A Conex box is being loaded onto a flatbed and Maj. Nick Lee sticks his hands inside a make-shift air hole drilled into the side and says, “easy girl, it’s going to be okay.” Lee, 34, had given up all hope of this moment coming to fruition, so when his […]
WASHINGTON—The U.S. Navy’s senior-ranking bottlenose dolphin has been implicated in a bribery scandal authorities are calling a classic “favors-for-fish” scheme, sources say. “We have evidence that in exchange for facilitating certain government acquisitions, he has been getting kickbacks from contractors in the form of large buckets of mackerel, herring, and even squid,” said Navy judge […]