Month: May 2022

Eddie Gallagher’s Top 5 defense tips for Russians accused of war crimes


With an effective cropping tool, you can be sure to remove all war crimes. Problem solved. By Bull Winkle FLORIDA PANHANDLE — Hello fellow members of the warrior class! Retired SEAL Chief Eddie Gallagher here, taking a break from re-watching my TV appearances and polishing my SEAL trident spear to offer some advice. Russians from […]

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Ukrainian farmer makes off with entire Russian Victory Day Parade


By W.E. Linde MOSCOW — In the latest of a string of high-profile humiliations for the Russian military, a Ukrainian farmer was able to connect every single military vehicle participating in the country’s venerable Victory Day parade to his tractor and drag them back to Ukraine. Petro Bonderenko, 53, a wheat and barley farmer from […]

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New, quiet lieutenant in unit ‘definitely’ CID: Report


By As for Class You’ve seen him, and we’ve seen him, too. That new lieutenant is a little too quiet. He’s definitely CID. It all started the day he showed up. The way he wore that uniform. The way he didn’t greet the rest of the soldiers. None of the other lieutenants talk to him, […]

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US Army officers wonder why Ukrainians don’t just change status from amber to green


By Task Force Football Bat THE PENTAGON — Viewing a progress report on key Ukrainian military objectives, Army officers up and down the ranks today wondered aloud why the Ukrainian military has not changed any of its statuses from “amber” to “green” — or even from “red” to “amber” — in order to address the […]

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Nation’s best intelligence analysts assess this coronavirus thing may get bad


By Blondes Over Baghdad JOINT BASE ANACOSTIA BOLLING — A gathering of the nation’s top intelligence analysts has come to the dire assessment that the Coronavirus might become serious, sources confirmed today. “Going out on a limb with some risky predictive analysis, this Coronavirus outbreak we’re seeing could get bad,” said Nathan Loewy, a senior executive […]

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Top Marine enlisted leader tells grunts in foxhole at least they’re ‘not in the Navy’


By G-Had QUANTICO, Va. — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy Black told a platoon of Marines sleeping in a foxhole that as bad as things are, “at least you’re not in the Navy.” Black made his remarks while delivering a cargo of hot ‘A’-rations to the platoon during their field training exercise near […]

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