Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Zoltar the Malignant FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Army Sgt. Biff Terkel didn’t flinch as he poured a piping-hot bowl of chili on his groin at the Texas Roadhouse outside of Fort Bragg. “Didn’t feel it — I’m completely dead from the ankles up. Besides, Shirlena got my balls in the divorce along with my BAH […]
By W.E. Linde AMERICA — With Memorial Day right around the corner, many Americans are planning to both reflect upon the sacrifices made by those who have died while serving in the U.S. military, and to have a fun 3-day weekend. If you’re one of these, then rest assured there is a small but vocal […]
Looking to learn more about Memorial Day? A Duffel Blog poll of thousands of Real Americans from around the country can help answer some of your questions. Share What is Memorial Day? Starting with the big picture, we asked respondents to share, in their own words, what exactly Memorial Day is. Roughly three-quarters of Americans […]
By Task Force Football Bat THE PENTAGON — Duffel Blog has learned from several sources of a secretive effort to stand up an elite unit of prima donnas with the fitness, tattoos, and writing skills necessary to undertake the country’s most dangerous missions in space. “The Space Force SEALs [Space, Extra-planetary, Astral, Lunar] will stand […]
Petteri Vanttinen, CEO of Olaf brewery, shows off his new beer on May 19, 2022, which will replace vodka on the menu at Club NATO. (Alessandro Rampazzo/AFP via Getty Images) By Dirk Diggler HELSINKI — Finland, the Nordic nation sharing an 800-mile border with Russia, has been granted exclusive VIP access to Club NATO, Duffel […]
By Task Force Football Bat THE PENTAGON — Standing on an un-eroded mountain of moral high ground, U.S. military leadership this week found no wrongdoing in the deaths of untold numbers of Syrian women, children, and wounded combatants, at the hands of American forces in 2019, while simultaneously expressing dismay at the lack of accountability […]
By As For Class FORT BRAGG, N.C.—A traffic cone has just come down on the first sergeant list to uproarious applause. “He’s the most consistent leader we’ve got,” said Col. Adam Cobb, chief of staff for the 82nd Airborne Division. Duffel Blog reporters were given unprecedented access to the new first sergeant, his career, and […]
By Zoltar the Malignant BRUSSELS — Finland is looking to join NATO for no money down, and its first month free, by referring Sweden through the alliance’s refer-a-friend program. Speaking at a joint news conference at NATO Headquarters, Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin begged Swedish counterpart Magdalena Andersson to sign up so Finland could get […]
By Task Force Football Bat Duffel Blog’s team of investigative journalists has obtained a trove of sensitive Russian military documents that contain everything from Russian battle plans to LOL emojis shared between now-deceased generals. These documents shed light on inside conversations at the highest levels of leadership in the country’s military over the course of […]
By W.E. Linde MOSCOW — In a surprise announcement today, Russia confirmed that the Ukrainian military had taken out a significant number of its generals in battle and promised that if Ukraine kills one more, the next high-ranking officer will be eliminated “entirely free.” The announcement was made by Adm. Igor Olegovich Kostyukov, head of […]