Month: December 2021

Give the gift of laughing at the Pentagon’s expense


Dear reader, We’re so grateful and wish you all the best this holiday season! Duffel Blog switched to a reader-backed email newsletter in November 2020, and we have been able to keep delivering military satire and biting wit only because of the support of people like you. But did you know you can gift a […]

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VFW delays event until fat guy with a beard shows up


By RED Friday The Snellville chapter of the Veterans of Foreign Wars in Georgia delayed the start of its bingo night until a fat guy with a beard showed up, sources confirmed today. “We can’t start until we fill out our checklist,” post quartermaster Roger Hornswaggle said as he passed out bingo sheets to the […]

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Navy says lava field near base housing area may be unsafe


By W.E. Linde JOINT BASE PEARL HARBOR-HICKAM, Hawaii — The Navy says there may be a slight possibility that enlisted military housing built atop lava fields on Joint Base Pearl Harbor-Hickam could be considered “unsafe.” While almost certainly not the case, the finding by the base’s housing inspector is a setback as military officials attempt […]

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Navy intel officer gives wrong secure phone number to creepy crypto guy


By Slab Squatthrust When Navy Lt. Rebecca Samp was approached for her secure phone number by the ghoulish and overly assertive crypto tech from down the hall, she provided an incorrect number to ensure he’d just maybe take a hint, sources confirmed today. The 24-year-old was on her way to the command brief early Monday […]

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Point/Counterpoint: Please stop ratfucking the MREs vs. I want M&Ms


By Zoltar the Malignant The following is a point/counterpoint discussion about ratfucking the company’s supply of MREs. The point will be presented by Staff Sgt. Ben Melitta, supply NCO for Blackjack Troop, 1st Squadron, 11th Armored Cavalry Regiment, Fort Irwin, California. The counterpoint will be presented by Spc. William Cohaagen, who really wants some M&Ms. […]

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‘All Else Fails’ added to DoD operational risk management model


By Slab Squatthrust RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK, N.C. — The Department of Defense has added “All Else Fails” as a new level to the top of the Operational Risk Management model used for logistical mission planning, sources confirmed today. The addition follows the publication of a recent study in the Journal of Defense Modeling & Simulation […]

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