Month: November 2021

Applebee’s to offer free meals only to veterans who won in Afghanistan


Photo by Sander Dalhuisen on Unsplash By BYOBooyah GLENDALE, Calif. — In a move certain to anger veteran groups nationwide, Applebee’s released a statement this morning doubling down on its commitment to only offer free meals to veterans who won in Afghanistan this year. Up until this point, all soldiers and veterans were offered free, […]

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Child stays up late on Veterans Day Eve to catch glimpse of veteran climbing down chimney


By Cat Astronaut BEDFORD FALLS, N.Y. — Giddy with anticipation for his favorite holiday of the year, local 8-year-old Tommy Frye stayed up all night this Veterans Day Eve just to catch a glimpse of a veteran climbing down his chimney with presents of freedom and sacrifice. “I knew it! I knew veterans were real!” […]

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Army commissions first CrossFit Chaplain


Photo credit W.E. Linde By Paul J. O’Leary FORT JACKSON, S.C. – In a solemn ceremony held at the U.S. Army Chaplain Center and School fitness center, Chaplain (Major General) Thomas L. Solhjem announced its commission of the Army’s first CrossFit chaplain. “As the entity responsible for counseling, the Chaplain Corps must constantly evolve to […]

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Afghan interpreters relocated to Fort Hood request asylum in Afghanistan


By W.E. Linde FORT HOOD, TX – Following the end of the US military mission in Afghanistan and the return of the Taliban to power, the Biden Administration has run into a new obstacle in its efforts to relocate thousands of Afghan interpreters who worked with US forces over the years: the Qatari Embassy in […]

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Pentagon deletes Afghanistan photos following ugly breakup


By Paul J. O’Leary WASHINGTON D.C. — Friends couldn’t help but notice the Pentagon purged its social media of all photographs of Afghanistan following the couple’s recent breakup.  Sources close to both Afghanistan and the Pentagon say the 20-year relationship always seemed toxic but ended abruptly when U. S. troops abruptly departed in the dead […]

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Soylent Green MREs back after popular demand


By W.E. Linde FORT BELVOIR, Virginia – Service members can now look forward to the return of popular Meal Ready to Eat Menu 666, which was abruptly discontinued last year. The controversial Soylent Green MRE is once again available, thanks in large part to demand from the rank-and-file. Plentiful and relatively inexpensive to produce, Soylent […]

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Taliban seizes $5 billion in abandoned American PowerPoint slides


By Cat Astronaut Just months after the United States’s controversial withdrawal from Afghanistan, Taliban operatives have seized over $5 billion worth of Microsoft PowerPoint slides left behind by American troops, sources say. “This is a tragedy of the highest order,” Maj. Jim Lancaster, who served two tours on staff at Bagram Air Base, said. “I […]

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