Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Cat Astronaut According to a new Department of Defense study into the effects of climate change on military operations, rising sea levels could inconvenience thousands of warrant officers lounging on the beach during the middle of the workday. “Many warrant officers return to the exact same beach to relax every afternoon when they’re supposed […]
U.S. Air National Guard photo by Master Sgt. Chris Botzum By Bull Winkle THE PENTAGON – To complete its mission in Afghanistan, the Department of Defense faces a task more harrowing than combat: getting its PCS voucher for mission and travel expenses approved. Eileen Silva, Defense Travel System (DTS) level 25 approval authority at the […]
By Bull Winkle NAVAL SUBMARINE BASE NEW LONDON, Conn. – U.S. Navy submarines excel at destroying stuff, including things that aren’t enemies. In the past dozen years, Navy subs have banged head-on into such non-belligerents as a fishing trawler, Aegis cruiser, amphibious transport dock, a tanker, and two undersea mountains that had not moved in […]
By A Very Important Retired Flag Officer In the wake of Veterans Day, it’s easy to look away from the catastrophe in Afghanistan, because none of you were ever looking at it in the first place. But don’t worry, I’m here to help you build up a glut of righteous indignation about it. Bad things happened for […]
By Zoltar the Malignant WASHINGTON, D.C. — Army veteran Ralphie Parker clutched his War on Christmas Expeditionary Medal as he watched the last flight of soldiers leaving the Mall of America on CNN. “So this is how it ends,” said Parker, who lost an eye in 2009 while deployed with the 82nd Airborne Division to […]
By Zoltar the Malignant WASHINGTON, D.C. — U.S. troops who have received nonjudicial punishment for stupid shit are happy for Air Force leaders who got off scot-free for blowing up a bunch of Afghan kids, according to a Duffel Blog/Quinnipiac poll. The poll found more than 80 percent of personnel across the military who have […]
By Bad Lawyer President Joe Biden announced today he will deploy the National Guard to enforce the Pentagon’s vaccine mandate on the National Guard. “One of the many missions of the National Guard is to assist in domestic disasters,” said Pentagon spokesman John Kirby. “And what constitutes more of a domestic disaster one weekend a […]
By Zoltar the Malignant WASHINGTON, D.C. — The State Department has brokered a deal with the Taliban to repatriate thousands of pieces of priceless dick graffiti left behind during the withdrawal from Afghanistan. The agreement, hammered out over months of back-channel negotiations that began during the final weeks of the Trump administration, covers “any… Read […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade FORT CARSON, Colo. – Pvt. Mason Young lost complete faith and trust in humanity after his squad leader, Sgt. Martin Bird, pretended to lose count during an in-cadence pushup session at PT this morning. “What just happened?” a stunned Young asked the soldier next to him. “We clearly just did 10 […]
Photo by W.E. Linde By Bad Lawyer WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden wandered into the White House Situation Room earlier today asking about reports of a Chinese lunch he had been hearing so much about. “Did I miss all the egg rolls?” Biden asked a confused Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark […]