Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By W.E. Linde PENTAGON – Recent revisions to the Navy’s dress code have garnered a lot of attention with high profile changes, such as allowing men to wear earrings when off duty, and allowing women to have “very short length hairstyles that show the scalp.” But one update in particular is being hailed by both […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade PENTAGON — The Army will name its new 200-ton main battle tank after Gen. Mark A. Milley, the former Army Chief and current Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, according to a press release this morning. “We’re calling this sturdy little fella the Mk20 Milley,” Army Chief of Staff Gen. […]
By Red Friday KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — In the first signs that the U.S. may have had more of a lasting effect in Afghanistan than previously hoped, sources are reporting that used jingle truck dealerships in Kabul are trapping Taliban recruits into predatory loans in record numbers. The most recent victim is Pvt. Abdul-Ahad Fattah, who […]
Photo by Zachary Peterson on Unsplash By Cat Astronaut CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Love cast its mysterious spell over Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune this weekend when 2nd Lt. Brett Larson met his soulmate at the bar closest to the main gate. “I usually don’t believe in destiny and all that stuff, but how many […]
By Medal of Dishonor FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. — Army Sgt. William Midas, who has not worn a mask to his unit since February 2020, is strictly enforcing mandatory reflective belts during afternoon physical training, sources confirmed today. “Is safety during PT a joke to you? Do you think it’d be funny if you got hit by […]
By W.E. Linde CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. – Separating from the military can be an intimidating and stressful prospect for those who have spent years honing skills with uncertain applicability in the civilian world. This is especially true if you’re forced to leave the military because of a failure to follow pretty straightforward, lawful orders. That’s […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade LONDON – Daniel Craig, best known for his starring role as the hard-to-kill secret agent James Bond, was appointed as an honorary naval officer last week and immediately gained 40 pounds, sources confirmed. “It was quite remarkable,” First Sea Lord Admiral Sir Tony Radakin told reporters. “Before the ceremony, [Craig] was […]
By W.E. Linde CHEYENNE MOUNTAIN, Colo. – The Pentagon announced today the first-ever significant overhaul of the military’s approach to drug testing across the force. Rather than tying down mid-level NCOs to personally watch members’ members while urinating, each base will be enhanced with “smart urinals” and “smart commodes” that will be monitored in real-time […]