Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Call Sign Buttercup THE WHITE HOUSE — President Joe Biden said in a press conference on Saturday that his messaging surrounding the evacuation efforts in Afghanistan is going real great. “We’ve successfully spun the story to the American people that the withdrawal is nothing but a great foreign policy success,” the president said, “despite […]
By Paul J. O’Leary ATLANTA, GA — As the world focused on Afghanistan and the Taliban’s lightning-fast takeover of the nation, many American and British veterans of the war watched in horror as it seemed two decades of bloodshed and hard work unraveled in a matter of a weekend. But Lt. Col. Thaddeus Cole, commander […]
By Cat Astronaut Following their rapid advance across Afghanistan in recent days, the Taliban expressed concerns about the fact that they “actually have to govern this shithole now.” “The whole insurgency thing was fun, and capturing the major population centers was surprisingly easy,” said Taliban leader Haibatullah Akhundzada. “But governing this godforsaken hellscape is going […]
By Bad Lawyer WASHINGTON — In a stunning reversal of policy this morning, the Biden administration announced it has offered to trade back former Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl to the Taliban in exchange for the safe passage of American citizens and interpreters attempting to flee Afghanistan. “We do not normally trade back war prisoners after […]
By Yossarian ARLINGTON, Va. — Sources close to Gen. Mark Milley say the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs is privately expressing regret over his military’s lack of preparedness for executing the withdrawal from Afghanistan. In particular, Milley is lamenting not including any Vietnam War history books on his professional reading list that may have prepared him […]
By Call Sign Buttercup FORT CAMPBELL — An Army chief warrant officer urged his social media followers to pray for the innocent Afghan people on Friday several years after the Apache attack helicopter pilot indiscriminately killed many of them on multiple deployments. “Even the special ops dudes can’t compete with my numbers,” Army Chief Warrant […]
By Cat Astronaut An intelligence report has confirmed that the Taliban’s recent push to retake vast swaths of territory in Afghanistan is the direct result of a recent Air Force policy change that will allow airmen to put their hands in their pockets. “Sure, Afghanistan’s incompetent military and the U.S. withdrawal are contributing factors,” said […]
By Bad Lawyer WASHINGTON — The Biden administration defended leaving roughly 26,000 Afghan interpreters behind as the Afghan government falls to the Taliban as a strategic decision on Monday, with officials claiming the failure to evacuate translators was not an oversight but rather a deliberate move due to an ongoing need for translation of cries […]
By Cat Astronaut KABUL — U.S. military officers involved with planning the War in Afghanistan have been caught plagiarizing plans from the 1970s to lose the Vietnam War, according to a new report on the decades-long conflict that abruptly ended on Sunday. “I thought the plans looked a little strange at first, but couldn’t quite […]
By As for Class General officers in the Army have long been chosen for their ability to fill out paperwork, say yes, run fast, and not win wars. And the incredible system for selecting military leaders to fight and lose the nation’s wars has once again proven successful in Afghanistan. “The Special Operations folks were […]