Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Slab Squatthrust KEY WEST – The U.S. Coast Guard attempted to rescue three people on Wednesday from an uninhabited island in the Caribbean where they had been stranded for over a month, but were waved away with a message written in rocks and sticks “NO THANKS,” authorities said. The stranded people — two men […]
By Cat Astronaut With the majority of American troops expected to withdraw from Afghanistan in the coming weeks, the United States has quietly dropped the words “Enduring” and “Freedom” from the operation formerly known as Operation Enduring Freedom. “Henceforth, all U.S. military activity in Afghanistan shall be known simply as ‘The Operation,’” read a Department […]
By Bull Winkle THE PENTAGON — Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Gen. Mark A. Milley is learning that breaking up is hard to do as the U.S. finishes its withdrawal from Afghanistan, according to Pentagon sources. “That big burly general has a heart,” said Col. Nadine Martinez with the Joint Staff J-3. “And right now […]
By As for Class BAGRAM, AFGHANISTAN — The last C-17 out of Afghanistan has been waiting for a Chief Warrant Officer 4 who said she’d “be right back” but they are starting to get worried since it’s been nearly two months. “Chief told us she was going out for a pack of cigarettes,” Lt. Pete […]
By W.E. Linde JOINT BASE SAN ANTONIO, TX — The Air Force has unveiled an innovative but controversial new physical training test program that gives airmen the ability to choose from a “menu” of options to demonstrate their fitness levels. For the aerobic fitness portion, in addition to traditional running, airmen can choose speed walking […]
By Jack S. McQuack WHITE LAKE, Mich. — A local Army veteran has baffled prominent neuroscientists after they watched him “roll coal” in his lifted Flowmaster 10-outfitted 2004 Chevrolet Silverado while blaring Toby Keith’s “American Soldier” at 165 decibels and was completely unfazed by post-traumatic stress disorder, sources confirmed today. Kyle Brainerd, who religiously posts […]
By As for Class Retired Army Staff Sgt. Collin Smith is a quiet professional. His t-shirt says so. “I struggled to find an identity for years. My wife told me to get a hobby that wasn’t service-related, but fuck that,” Smith told Duffel Blog correspondents. “So I took a pretty big risk and started a […]
By Addison Blu WASHINGTON — Former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld died on Wednesday after he decided he could no longer live in a world without endless war in Afghanistan. “He couldn’t take it, not after what they did to the Iraq War, too,” said friend and former Vice President Dick Cheney. “No father wants […]