Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Scheisskopf WASHINGTON — Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Charles Q. Brown made a passionate call to regain air superiority on Mars to members of the Air Force Association this week after a NASA helicopter recently surpassed one mile of flight on the Red Planet. “It seems clear that NASA has gained a first-mover […]
By Bad Lawyer Due to a spelling error in a Defense Department memo released this week, all U.S. troops will face mandatory vacations by August 15, 2021. It is imperative that all service members schedule and take a “vacation in the coming weeks” in order to slow the spread of Covid-19, according to the memo […]
By Blondes Over Baghdad DUBUQUE, Iowa — High School Senior Ryan Masterson enlisted in the Coast Guard today with a pledge to support and defend Cheddar Bay against all enemies, foreign and domestic. “I was at Red Lobster before my senior prom, and was served the most delectable biscuit I had ever eaten,” Masterson told […]
By W.E. Linde SANTA MONICA, Calif — About 99% of you won’t share this picture of the American flag, according to a newly published white paper from researchers with the RAND Corporation. The paper presents a gloomy outlook of American patriotism, and while it does acknowledge there were a few people they “knew would share […]
By As for Class FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Psychological Operations Regiment has constantly experienced change throughout its storied (and often classified) history. A new era has now begun, as the 1st Special Forces Command has announced that the shorthand iteration of Psychological Operations will now be spelled: SPSYOPS. This is nothing new for the […]
By Cat Astronaut AFGHANISTAN — Nonprofit organization the Taliban called an emergency Board of Directors meeting earlier this week after its largest donor the United States of America pulled all financial support, sources say. “Ladies and gentlemen, I appreciate the great work you’ve all been doing, but I would not have called you here if […]
By Blondes Over Baghdad BUCKLEY SPACE FORCE BASE — Years after its creation in 2019, the Space Force is still on the Air Force’s family phone plan, sources close to the new armed service say. “I was scrolling through Venmo,” Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Mark Milley said, “and I saw that […]
By W.E. Linde KABUL, Afghanistan — As the last American forces leave Afghanistan this summer, the war-torn nation is looking forward to peace, said the incoming Taliban Minister of Public Executions. “For decades, our people have suffered under the scourge of war,” said Shahabuddin Delawar, behind a towering stack of papers listing names of people […]
By As for Class Duffel Blog is here today to remind you of your old friend: alcoholism. It isn’t always easy to get booze into the barracks. Sometimes you’re overseas. Other times General Order Number 1 is in effect (lame), and all the lieutenants are walking around like hawks, trying to narc on everyone. It’s […]
By W.E. Linde WASHINGTON — A newly-released report from the Pentagon has found that the Defense Travel System, the automated travel scheduling and payment system used by military personnel for over 15 years, was taken down approximately 5 years ago by a ransomware attack from foreign cybercriminal hackers. As of the release of the report, […]