Hangin' on Posco Pier!
By Cobra Commander WASHINGTON — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has authorized the emergency use of an edible vaccine developed by Crayola in an effort to shore up inoculations in the Marine Corps. “We’ve been trying to think outside the box for how to get all of our Marines vaccinated against COVID-19,” said Marine […]
By Whiskey Fueled Tirade Alexandria, Va. — Maj. Gen. Timothy P. Williams, Virginia’s highest-ranking National Guard officer, was unable to attend drill last weekend when his manager at Radio Shack refused to give him the time off, sources confirmed. “Mr. Harrison is a grade-A ballbuster,” Williams said of his 19-year-old store manager. “I was several […]
By 29ReasonsWhy WASHINGTON — As criminal proceedings get underway for people accused of domestic terrorism after storming the Capitol on January 6, several defendants are asking for a military discount on prison sentences by virtue of their veteran status. “My three years as a fuel supply specialist in the Air Force Reserve more than outweigh […]
By W.E. Linde WASHINGTON — The Biden Administration is under fire from Congress and some members of the military after the sudden promotion of Major Biden to the rank of lieutenant colonel amid a series of biting incidents at the White House. “There is nothing suspicious going on here,” said White House Press Secretary Jen […]
By Blondes Over Baghdad FORT HUACHUCA, Ariz. — An Easter egg hunt for students in the Military Intelligence Basic Officer Leadership Course resulted in 18 lost Lieutenants, a base-wide lock-down and search, and several dozen rancid Easter eggs, the base chaplain reported today. “I thought an Easter egg hunt would be a treat for the […]
FORT JACKSON, S.C. — The Army forcibly removed soldiers from three barracks clusters last night to preserve a recently discovered species of toxic black mold, sources confirmed today. “We can confirm that a high-value mold species was positively identified last night,” said Army spokesperson August Corda. “[Non-commissioned officers] were conducting the first barracks check since […]
By As For Class THE PENTAGON — In a surprise move, Pentagon officials held a press conference today to announce the last 30 days of the war in Afghanistan. “It is time to close this chapter of American history,” said Pentagon spokesman John Kirby. Combat operations in Afghanistan began on Oct. 7, 2001, in order […]