Hangin' on Posco Pier!
Most people think Duffel Blog writers are the most intelligent, hilarious, and best-looking military members and veterans in existence, and of course, those people are right. But our writers are also an eclectic group of people who write military-centric satire for fun, clout, and that sweet cash payment after an article hits your inbox. That’s […]
By Bull Winkle FORT CARSON, Colo. — First Sgt. Juan Ramarod is taking an old school approach to E-4 conspiracy theorists: He’s taking soldiers to the whiteboard, according to sources. Soldiers in B Company of the 53rd Engineer Brigade confirm that Spc. Stanley Büttmnchin, a frequent watcher of both One America News (OAN) and MSNBC, […]
By As For Class WASHINGTON — Dogs across the military are radicalizing at alarming rates, according to a recent Pentagon study. “No one wants to think their own dog could cross that line,” said an official on the Joint Staff, yet service members are realizing that they need to start having difficult conversations. Among those […]
By Bull Winkle MILLINGTON, Tenn. — In the same spirit of innovation that developed the aircraft carrier and nuclear submarines, the Navy may soon field crotch-level rank tabs to solve the problem of the “awkward chest gaze,” sources confirmed today. Navy officials began to consider the change soon after realizing that rank tabs in the […]
By MapleSausage WASHINGTON — Congressman Dan Crenshaw (R-Texas) will have to stick to politics for the foreseeable future now that the entirety of Hollywood has watched his most recent audition tape and concluded it was “too cringy for the big screen,” sources confirmed today. The tryout reel showcased a bombastic, skydiving Crenshaw portraying a Bond-esq… […]
By The Shammer FORT BENNING, Ga. — Specialists across the U.S. Army have begun testing a new early-warning system that lets them know when a senior noncommissioned officer is inbound to their position. A trove of leaked hand-scribbled notes, as well as blueprints and photographs, have revealed the existence of the Specialist Hands-free Automated Mobile […]
By The Shammer LACKLAND AIR FORCE BASE, Texas — A staff non-commissioned officer in a rank-gap relationship with a female service member is telling friends that he believes “rank is just a number,” sources confirmed today. Senior Master Sgt. Harvey Wilders, an Air Force E-8, insists that his romantic partnership with Airman Sasha Pollard, an […]
By Addison Blu ATLANTA — After a 36-hour inferno that left nothing but scorched earth, the Atlanta VA Medical Center has been rated 30% destroyed, sources say. Officials from the Department of Veterans Affairs were shocked by the low damage appraisal from the General Services Administration, their fire insurance provider. “How can someone see such […]
By As For Class We have been plagued with them for decades. Signature block quotes that just hit you right in the cringe bones. Duffel Blog has asked its writers to choose the best of the worst. Here are their selections. 17: “He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.” […]
Don’t mind me. By As For Class YOUR LAPTOP — A discrete bit of Trojan horse code named Brad has infected your computer after it was attached to a friendly email purportedly sent by Roxy, the stripper you met last week. Sources confirmed the operation was supposed to hijack your Marine Corps life, but it ended […]