Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON — Pandemonium struck the United States today as the capital was overwhelmed in a surprise flu d’état led by the so-called Coup Flu, COVID-19. The virulent virus, which has spread across the world with breathtaking speed most of the year, has been circling the power elite in Washington for some time. Despite an ever…
PENTAGON — As the Joint Chiefs of Staff (JCS) settle in for a two-week quarantine following Coast Guard Vice Commandant Charles W. Ray’s positive coronavirus test, Marine Corps Commandant General David H. Berger celebrated the Corps’ failure to be “first in.” “I know being first in, last out is a point of pride for Marines,…
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — Officials in Afghanistan’s Independent Election Committee announced they are working closely with the United Nations to deploy teams of police and soldiers to the United States to provide oversight and monitoring services, and to help the U.S. secure its polling sites for the November elections. “It is our duty ensure American citizens…
DAYTON, Ohio — Air Force veteran Blake Miller is reported to be in “stable condition” after his PTSD was triggered by a ringtone that reminded him of his active duty days. “It happened so suddenly, like flipping a switch,” says Yara Parsons, who works in the cubicle next to Miller’s at his civilian job. “One…
BETHESDA, Md. – Medics and corpsmen at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center responded with the poise and compassion characteristic of their profession when the president arrived at the military’s flagship hospital earlier last evening. “I told him the same thing I tell everybody when they show up all sad-faced and mopey while we’re…
ARLINGTON, Va. — Preparing to transition into civilian life after 20 years in uniform, retiring Army Maj. Derek Fletcher was struggling to translate the skills he learned in the Army, like watching YouTube videos on a government computer, into a civilian skillset. “My time in the Army prepared me for a lot of the challenges…
’MURICA – The professional coalition of rough-and-ready patriots known as The Proud Boys arrived in formation at 0330 this morning, sources report, ready to execute follow-on presidential directives. “Alright, gents, POTUS wants us to standby,” tweeted Proud Boys leader, Enrique Tarrio. “I want every swinging dick on a 24-hour recall.” The Proud Boys, founded in…
According to a recent interview with The Atlantic, former Secretary of Defense and Marine Corps General James Mattis wrote the first draft of his book, Call Sign Chaos: Learning to Lead, entirely in crayon. “Some of the greatest authors in history have done their best work when isolated from the rest of society where they…