Hangin' on Posco Pier!
ARLINGTON, Va. — Whoa. We knew the military made mistakes from time to time, but we never thought it could gaff up quite like this. When coworkers found this lifeless corpse apparently dead at its desk in the Pentagon, their first thought was that it must have been a soldier who was courageously killed in…
FORT IRWIN — We knew shit was weird this year, but the truth is finally coming out! Those rascals down at the Fort Irwin National Training Center have had themselves quite a busy year, throwing injects into reality this entire time. Besides the obvious lists of wackiness and genuine tragedy, we’ve had the sort of…
CAPE CORAL, Fla. — Weeks after the Trump Boat Parade over Labor Day Weekend, the Fort Myers Beach Coast Guard Station is now at the center of a boater suppression claim bolstered by a lawsuit filed by organizers of the event. On September 5, Trump supporters united at the Horton Park Boat Ramp Cape Coral…
THE PENTAGON — Army leaders announced the introduction of a new physical fitness test that measures resilience and muscular endurance by testing how much pain a soldier can feel over 20 years. “For decades we’ve been using imprecise metrics,” said Sgt. Maj. of the Army Michael Grinston. “The APFT measures physical endurance for 20 minutes or so. The…
THE PENTAGON — A leaked intelligence report has revealed that the much vaunted “near-peer threat” the Defense Department has been preparing to do battle with is, in fact, just three Islamic Afghanistans stacked on each other’s shoulders in a trench coat. The Pentagon, however, has rushed to deny these claims. “There is absolutely no way…
BOSTON, Mass. — Biblical scholars at the Boston University School of Theology made a momentous announcement earlier today: King David of Bethlehem, the ancestor of Jesus Christ known for slaying the giant Goliath and being a “man after God’s own heart”, was — in fact — the first “Jody” in documented history. “They say history…
TED”S ROOT CELLAR — The System of Humans In The Anti-Illuminati Militia concluded an inspection of a remote SCIF in Florida designed to keep out the NSA, Bigfoot, JFK’s true killer, and North Koreans. The location is occupied around the clock by Captain Commandant Ted McTedson: professional prepper instructor, shitpost lord, and regular blogger at…
JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Washington – Specialist Michael Webb elected to remain on post this past weekend rather than attend a protest in nearby Seattle citing concerns over police violence towards minorities. Webb, who is Black, feels much safer remaining on post where there are no real cops, only MPs. “I see images of police brutality…
KILLEEN, Texas — After a week of beta testing, the Army’s E-Sports gaming team, reports that the Fort Hood version of the newest installment of the wildly popular Grand Theft Auto videogame, GTA: Fort Hood is “a little too realistic.” GTA’s creators say they were trying to create “a more authentic experience” for modern gamers….
WINTERFELL, Westeros — “Gather round warriors of Winterfell and prepare for the brief of safety to be given by our beloved Hodor” said Arya Stark, as the first snow of the season began to fall. “Hodor, please inform the men and women of this great kingdom what they should and shouldn’t do this weekend to…