Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON DC — A Coast Guard spokesperson has admitted that after the USCGC Kimball was forced to fire on a shark during the crew’s swim call, the service has told Congress: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” “We figured that after the video went viral, it was time to take up an opportunity to beg…
KENOSHA, Wis. — Members of the Wisconsin National Guard say that they never truly appreciated the beauty of the city of Kenosha until they saw it burning to the ground. The city in southeastern Wisconsin has seen several days of bitter riots following a controversial police shooting. While the National Guard was originally called in to…
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — Following a recent deployment to Afghanistan plagued by low morale and “low energy,” soldiers from the 504th Military Police Battalion came together this week to watch the awarding of the only Bronze Star resulting from their time in theater—to S2 Captain Taylor Regan’s coffee station. “For most of us, our hearts…
SHAW AFB, S.C. — Hey, yo Colonel, I’m real happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish your safety brief, but I wanted to say some things before you do. First off, the sergeant major gives the best safety briefs of all time. Soldiers, good morning, look at the valedictorian, scared of the future…
THE BAD PLACE — We knew Janet was too good to be true when she welcomed us at Fort Hood’s reception area. If only we were more perceptive, we would have seen that plot twist coming. Fort Hood isn’t The Great Place. It’s the Bad Place. There were other signs that we should have been…
The following Opinion article was written by an Anonymous Former President of the United States of America. I read with great dismay, upsetness, and frowny faces an editorial in the New York Times by a sitting Senator calling for active duty military to be used to do racism against peaceful protesters, who are just acting…
PETERSON AFB, Colo. — Since its inception in December 2019, Space Force stolen valor cases are on the climb. Rather than addressing the crisis, however, Space Force leaders kept with their customs as the newest military branch and took an unconventional stance, using the problem to rip the U.S. Coast Guard. “Of course, we don’t condone…
THE PENTAGON — A toxic Air Force colonel who had previously berated her Wing subordinates to the point they would crawl under their desks and cry has been promoted to a toxic Air Force general at the Pentagon with ambitious plans to berate and humiliate even more people under her at Air Force headquarters. “I…
In an act of solidarity with self-avowed super SEAL Rob O’Neill, members of the elite SEAL Team 6 said today they would no longer wear body armor since as one operator explained, “I’m not a pussy.” In a statement to Duffel Blog, Naval Special Warfare spokesman Lt. Matt Stroup said the Dam Neck, Va.-based unit…
The following is a weekend safety briefing from the famed ‘He’s a Marine’ spouse, who recently made a TikTok video providing proof of life of her Marine husband. Be, Marines, this weekend! Ooh rah. Don’t eat, crayons. Scream: Essayons! **Pom pom dance** Strippers. No good, for wallets. But it’s good to support them through college….