Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON — Pentagon leaders are concerned and totally jealous after China announced that its famed army of 8,000 terracotta sculptures has completed every course of the People’s Liberation Army mandatory web-based training. Col. Marcus Bullock, spokesperson for Army G-3 Training branch, said that China has a long tradition of stifling levels of bureaucracy similar to…
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Soldiers of the 599th Quartermaster Battalion are celebrating their new unit motto, which acknowledges the unit is likely nowhere near the tip of the spear. “Look, we realize we’re not combat arms, special operations, or those beefy signals intelligence guys,” said Lt. Col. Michael Longinus, the 599th battalion commander. “But we…
The following is a discussion between Robert J. O’Neill, a former Navy SEAL who claims to have killed Osama bin Laden and Timothy Goldman, a 17-year old fast food worker. POINT: I’m former Navy SEAL Robert J. O’Neill. I’m sure you’re dying to ask so I’ll just get it out of the way. Yes, I’m…
THE PENTAGRAM — Today Secretary of Defense Mark T. Esper told President Trump that critical instructions to military units worldwide were delayed because a dog ate his Orders Book. “I’m sorry,” Esper reportedly told the president, “but because of that dog, we no longer have your orders to bomb the new Chinese island bases in…
LANGLEY AFB, Va. — During a staff meeting, Air Force Captain Richard “Action” Jackson continued his habit of fucking up common military phrases. Jackson, a 2016 graduate of the Air Force Academy, has lifted his word choices to a new level of late. According to a source in the room during the meeting, Jackson, while…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Responding to pressure from the Trump Administration, the Army has agreed to shelve plans to rename Fort Slavery Was Cool, an Army post located just outside of Birmingham. “While the goal of Army leadership was well intentioned,” said Secretary of Defense Mark Esper in a statement, “the fact is that Fort Slavery…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — As part of our efforts to provide world class services for readers, Duffel Blog offers expert medical advice from Dr. David Bombay. This eminent physician retired from the Army Medical Corps as a colonel in 1959 and is still as sharp as any sawbones in the Veterans Administration. He may not…
ABERDEEN PROVING GROUND, Maryland — Soldiers nationwide have spoken: The number one piece of equipment the military needs to survive in combat is rifles that also serve as Wifi Hotspots. Despite the fact that WiFi enabled devices were not on the list of necessary survival equipment, soldiers everywhere relayed their ideas to the highest echelons…
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — After a long day at work, base sergeants major drink Buds Light, a recent poll in the Camp Lejeune Globe reports. Aides de Camp also ranked Buds Light in their top three, just behind Millers Light and Coor. While staffs sergeant and lances corporal were also known to enjoy the occasional brewski, they…
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — That new second lieutenant in your unit is lecturing the division sergeant major on leadership again, sources report. Lt. Ben Bowman reportedly cornered his sergeant major in the locker room after physical training. Blocking the door as he knelt down to blouse his boots, Bowman explained leadership while holding Merset hostage….