Hangin' on Posco Pier!
PYONGYANG – The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) confirmed that North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Chong Un is calling himself “a new Dear Leader” devoted to a life of health and fitness. According to DIA spokesman Maj. Gordon Moody, a severe illness caused Kim’s recent disappearance from public view. This brush with death motivated Kim to…
ARMSTRONG LUNAR BASE, MOON – Tragedy struck the U.S. Space Force Academy yesterday as its entire graduating class suffocated during the celebratory helmet toss. “To be fair, this was the very first graduating class of our nation’s newest service academy,” said Chief of Space Operations, General Jay Raymond, “We’ll for sure have to add this…
WASHINGTON — Documents from the late 1940s declassified Monday contain shocking revelations regarding famed muffin patriarch Otis Spunkemeyer. The documents outline a secret US program called Operation Banana Nut which repatriated top Nazi muffin scientists to the US and allowed them to continue their work under assumed aliases. This confirms decades of speculation that Spunkmeyer…
JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — Pvt. 1st Class John Hodges is totally about to make millions in the stock market, sources report. “Stocks are so low right now I’m going to buy a bunch,” Hodges said earlier today. “In a few months I’ll be rich.” Hodges, who has a credit score of 510 and is $23,000 in…
TUCSON, Ariz. – The U.S. Air Force announced this week that it had awarded a $400 million contract to the Raytheon Missiles & Defense technology company, which reportedly surprised company leaders as they weren’t sure what the contract was intended for. “While we are of course excited to once again partner with the world’s premier…
ANNAPOLIS, Md. – Defense Tropes Quarterly announced the publication of yet another article claiming the aircraft carrier is vulnerable, obsolete, and prohibitively expensive. The piece is the latest in a long series of articles in professional military journals questioning the utility of the carrier which literally dates back to the carrier’s very inception nearly a…
THE PENTAGON — The yearly Force Readiness and Future Investments report from the Pentagon identifies key areas of R&D investment for future acquisitions programs. This year’s report took extensive consideration on the environmental concerns of running the military’s aviation missions. In an effort to be good stewards of the Earth, top officials have declared that…
FORT BELVOIR, Va. – A new transition assistance initiative unveiled this week will help retiring colonels decide which Civil War battle they should study to ease the sting of being passed over for brigadier general, and to fill the void of no longer working 80 hours a week. The program, dubbed Colonel for Life, individually…
Editor’s note: The following article originally appeared in the September 1918 Duffel Blog. The author die weeks later of the 1918 influenza pandemic. ALBANY, N.Y. — Army Sergeant James Thomas has always been a step ahead of his peers, and now after returning home from the “Great War,” he has his sights set on a…
FORT STEWART, Ga. — Since his arrival to the unit, 2nd Lt. Joseph Lynn hasn’t let a single day pass without an unsolicited announcement that his top branch assignment of choice was actually the US Army Quartermaster Corps. Soldiers have become numb to the random proclamations that Lynn continuously gives notice of. “We almost feel…