Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON — A confidential trove of documents obtained by Duffel Blog has revealed that many senior U.S. officials, including numerous general officers in the armed forces, have told the honest truth about the war in Afghanistan during America’s eighteen-year campaign there. The revelations have come as a shock to many, especially to veterans of the […]
SAN ANTONIO, Texas – An EAS’d Golden Retriever, is concerned that immigrant working dogs are taking his job, Duffel Blog has learned. Cpl. Nugget served in the U.S. Army as an Explosive Detector Dog (EDD) from 2014–18, including two tours in Afghanistan and a “Good Boy” Medal. Now, displeased with the nation’s state of affairs, […]
WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials today released details of a successful high-profile mission by Delta Force to free the woman from the Peloton exercise bicycle Christmas ad. Top security personnel suggested the mission after seeing the captured woman’s video diary, recorded over approximately the past twelve months. Video entries include the woman being introduced to the […]
WASHINGTON — According to Pentagon officials, President Donald Trump continued to express his unwavering support for controversial Navy SEAL Eddie Gallagher today by inviting him to “do that watermelon smashing thing” at the White House. “Chief Gallagher is a wonderful man – one of the very best, let me tell you,” said Trump in a […]
FORT MEADE, Md. – A promotion ceremony held at the Officer’s Club had better cake than leadership, attendees confirmed Tuesday. “(Newly Promoted) Lt. Col. Rogers pinned on his forth review, and has been below center of mass from the day he joined,” said Sgt. First Class Ryan Jones, gobbling down a corner piece, laden with […]
ANCHORAGE, Ak. — Cold weather endurance and survival training were recently canceled for a battalion of the 3d Cavalry Regiment due to a snowstorm that hit the Anchorage area. “According to Army regulation AR dash … fuck I’m too cold to remember!” said Master Sgt. Floyd Smith, grandson of Korean War veteran Sgt. Roy Smith. […]
FORT BENNING, Ga. — Well, an actual prosthetic leg has managed to become Airborne qualified. The ceremony for said leg, which the Airborne Cadre affectionately referenced by its given name, “Fucking Leg!” will take place later this week alongside the rest of the Airborne personnel graduating the course. Sgt. Maribel Sonata-Leg from the Fort Benning […]
YOUR MOM’S HOUSE — A spokesman for the garrison command team confirmed this week that, among other updates to the Off Limits Establishment list, your mom’s house has been added to the roster of local businesses, venues and locations service members are forbidden from visiting. “In some ways, it was a difficult decision,” said Mr. […]
THE PENTAGON – Acting Secretary of the Navy Thomas Modly announced today that the Navy will change its special warfare insignia, widely known as the “SEAL trident,” from an eagle holding an anchor, trident, and flintlock pistol to an eagle writing a book while taking a selfie with corpse. “The original trident was developed back […]
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — NORAD will be tracking Satan for the holidays after a typo on an internal operations order diverted the beloved Santa-tracking program to describing the location of Lucifer, Prince of Evil, this year from December 24–25. “It’s the same letters, just out of order,” said Lt. Col. Kris Krangle, commanding officer of […]