Hangin' on Posco Pier!
We’ve all heard the saying “Trust a Marine with your life, not your wife.” Those words ring truest on November 10, when Marines gather to celebrate their branch’s birthday and its core values of alcoholism, debauchery, and adultery. So dust off your dress blues and get ready for some mando-fun, because we have with the […]
CHERRY POINT, N.C. — Catastrophe has consumed Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point after a Marine died of crayon consumption, what sources call “one of the top three worst case scenarios for Marines.” Now investigators are trying to determine how this could have happened. An inquiry into the command climate concerning crayon consumption is currently […]
Salaam Alaikum, Brothers, I see you’ve completed the training facility just in time for the latest group of shahid to arrive. Let’s see: bayonet course … check. Explosives … check. Prayer rugs … check. Monkey bars … wait! You don’t have monkey bars? YOU DON’T HAVE MONKEY BARS?!?! In the name of the Blessed Prophet, peace […]
NORFOLK, Va. — A Navy contractor was promoted from wearing a dirty t-shirt and jeans to polo and khakis, sources report. “I’m allowed to shop at the store that sells navy blue polos, khakis, and black fleece now,” Contractor Dave Bautista said of his promotion. “I also got some gel so I can slick back […]
CAPE MAY, N.J. — The Coast Guard’s newly adopted weight standards will allow members to be just fat enough to make people from other services jealous and wish they joined the Coast Guard, service officials said Tuesday. One of the main reasons behind the new standards is the the Coast Guard wishes to remain the […]
KILLEEN, Texas — Pfc. Brayden Taylor made military history when she became one of the first female recruits to pass Infantry training and earn the coveted blue cord. This week, the 19-year-old Alton, Illinois, native will make history again when she marries her soul mate, stripper Dakota Walters. Taylor, who has been in the Army […]
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Trump administration announced this week Conan, the hero canine of the US raid that killed ISIS leader and austere religious scholar Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, would receive a VIP visit to the White House next week. Sources close to the canine report Conan may have other plans. Conan, a female Belgian […]
WASHINGTON — In a shocking new report, the VA has released military suicide figures for active duty, reserves, and veterans while subtly mentioning that in no way did Jeffrey Epstein hang himself in his cell earlier this year. The report, which outlines the diverse makeup of the suicide victims spanning all races, genders, and ages, […]
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has unveiled a new drone, the EO-9 Justice Warrior. The platform comes equipped with a suite of advanced optics that renders it unable to distinguish between combatants and civilians. “We were looking to take affirmative action to make our targeted killings reflect America,” explained Pentagon spokeswoman Lt. Col. Michelle Baldanza. “This […]
YORKTOWN, Va.— In an amazing display of brilliance, a leadership training course held at the Coast Guard Yorktown Training Base on Monday went over time when one super smart and articulate man rose his hand to explain the importance of being a brave leader in the military as everyone in the class watched in awe. […]