Hangin' on Posco Pier!
QUANTICO, Va. — After severely mishandling of extremely sensitive physical matter, 9-month-old Tyler Stevenson will be tried before a court martial convened by the Marine Corps’ top brass. Stevenson, also known to his innermost circle by aliases “honey bunny” and “snookykins,” is accused of placing his SIPR directly onto the NIPR, causing a major leakage, […]
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Producers of the popular Netflix series Stranger Things surprised have revealed that they filmed most of the show’s third season at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, as an economical but realistic simulation of Hell on Earth. Set in the mid-1980s, the series depicts a gruesome underworld known as “The Upside Down” populated […]
SAN ANDRES ISLAND, Colombia — After the U.S. Coast Guard released dramatic video of the capture of a drug-smuggling semi-submersible in the Eastern Pacific, drug cartels have imposed a two-week safety stand down for traffickers to attend special “Don’t Open The Hatch!” training. The program is designed to provide seafaring narcos with common sense tactics […]
FORT DRUM, N.Y. – The senior enlisted leader of the 10th Mountain Division’s 1st Brigade Combat Team has been relieved after soldiers raised disturbing concerns about his conduct in staff meetings. Multiple soldiers complained to the Inspector General’s Office about the sergeant major’s refusal to caveat off what the commander just said. Col. William Sieverts […]
RANDOLPH AFB, Texas — Across America, patriotic hearts beat proudly for our men and women in uniform. And in the age of the internet, everyday citizens can get the warm-and-fuzzies every time they see a video of a military member catching loved ones off-guard with an unannounced return home from overseas. But today, the hearts […]
WASHINGTON — It is humbling to see total strangers attend the funerals of veterans’ who don’t have any family, but lawmakers are going the extra mile to avoid that problem altogether: Congress just passed a law allowing dying veterans to pick someone to be buried with them. Wow! How patriotic! In a closed session of […]
WASHINGTON — Pentagon officials have quietly confirmed what military personnel have long suspected: Most critical defense-related decisions are made by cats pushing random objects off tables. The power of cats has been classified for some time meow. However, recent events have forced the Pentagon to declassify what it calls Project Catnip. “We’ve decided it was […]
WASHINGTON — The Association of the United States Army (AUSA) describes their annual meeting as the largest landpower exposition and professional development forum in North America. While tens of thousands of military and defense professionals gather at the D.C. convention center for the same conference, some attendees have very different priorities, sources say. “General Dynamics […]
CAMP SHELBY, Miss. — In a bold act of incompetence, Army Capt. Justin Bergstrom was relieved for turning in his readiness report on a lethality form last Tuesday. “This is a careless oversight,” said Lt. Col. Meg Watson, Bergstrom’s battalion commander. “What if that readiness information got routed over into the lethality chain? That readiness […]
THE PENTAGON — Former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joe Dunford recently retired after 42 years of military service, but he won’t be putting the Pentagon in his rear view mirror just yet. Sources close to President Donald Trump report he is considering hiring Dunford as Secretary of Defense and promptly firing […]