Hangin' on Posco Pier!
WASHINGTON — In his first week as Army Chief of Staff, General James C. McConville emailed a letter to the force outlining his humble suggestion that the army #TryWinning sometime, just like, once or twice, to see how it goes. “When we send the Army somewhere, we don’t go to participate, we don’t go to […]
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon approved $157 million in modernization costs to make the aging RGM-84 Harpoon missile system yell “DJ Khaled!” before impacting its target, sources report. In what the Modern War Institute has called “the hottest collaboration since Nelly and Tim McGraw’s 2004 hit ‘Over and Over,’” music artist DJ Khaled is lending his […]
DOHA, Qatar — U.S. representatives in continuing talks with the Taliban are confident of finally achieving the illusion of victory in Afghanistan, sources say. Top American negotiator Charles “Charlie” Brown has told the State Department that the US is offering significant troop withdrawals in exchange for a Taliban agreement to cease supporting transnational terrorism. Although […]
NEW YORK — The Department of Veterans Affairs breathed a collective sigh of relief after the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York was named the absolute worst suicide prevention program in the United States, bumping the VA to the number two spot. The shift comes after Jeffrey Epstein, a high-profile financier accused of selling child […]
LANGLEY AFB, Va. — Air Force lawyers suffered a major embarrassment yesterday, after Judge Advocate General Capt. Jim Hansard was found guilty in a food court of cutting the line at Subway. Following arguments and cross examination, food court sandwich clerk Daryl concluded that Hansard had indeed occupied the spot in line belonging to Lisa, […]
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Billy, 6, is an old soul with the wherewithal to call it like he sees it. Recently, he has taken to calling recess his “deployments to The Sandbox.” Billy, whose mother is an artillery officer with the 18th Field Artillery Brigade, often pauses to take out the giant wad of fruit […]
By Chad Buffandpuff III I heard you talking earlier about how you were in the military. First, thank you for your service. That’s awesome and I want to let you know, I appreciate your sacrifice and I definitely would’ve joined up myself if I wasn’t absolutely sure it’s way beneath me. I have a ton […]
KABUL, Afghanistan – Onlookers were stunned today when Capt. Chad McCarthy, an officer with 4th Psychological Operations Group, provided a realistic capability brief to the task force command and staff to which he was attached. “I’ve heard a lot of PSYOPS briefings in my time, but this one was different,” Chief Warrant Officer 3 Pat […]
KANDAHAR, Afghanistan — As more and more young Afghans turn to television and social media, the Taliban’s leaders are worried its youth are no longer ready for the fight against the infidels. “They literally can’t even jihad,” said one senior Taliban mullah, who is involved in recruiting and training. “The youth today are happy to […]
HONOLULU, Hawaii — Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) was surprised with deployment orders to Antarctica earlier today, her presidential campaign confirmed. The Democratic presidential candidate has been a unique critical voice against American military imperialism, drawing national attention to the issue during the first two rounds of Democratic primary debates, much to the chagrin of foreign […]