Hangin' on Posco Pier!
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Sgt. Maj. Shawn DeWitt, a divorced 37 year-old with two children, grew visibly upset at the sight of another adult male without a hat on earlier this morning. The Marine on the receiving end of the sergeant major’s wrath was Cpl. Daniel Vincent. Vincent, whose job […]
THE PENTAGON — Starting in fiscal year 2021, the Department of Defense will reduce waste. by banning all single-use plastic explosives. “I directed this policy change after reading a shocking study that literally zero percent of the C-4 plastics we use are recycled,” said James Harber, the Deputy Undersecretary of Defense for Non-Readiness Related Issues, […]
JOINT BASE LANGLEY-EUSTIS, Va. – Gen. John “Mike” Murray pinned the Bronze Star Medal with “snake eyes” device on Major Dennis Klinefelter today for conspicuous gallantry in the face of overwhelming statistical odds during a recent tabletop wargame. Witnesses say Klinefelter, a strategist at the Army Futures Command, displayed uncommon valor as the U.S. ground […]
THE PENTAGON — Command Sgt. Maj. Michael A. Grinston, the 16th Sgt. Maj. of the Army, told Army Chief of Staff James C. McConville that he’ll “never make it on the outside,” during a heart-to-heart counseling session Tuesday after McConville mentioned this might be his last assignment. Grinston, who feels that retention is a personal responsibility […]
ENFIELD, Conn. — The LEGO Group has announced a new unlimited edition LEGO set to be released later this year commemorating the conflict in Afghanistan, also known as The Forever War. The set is a subscription service that arrives every six months, often requiring the builder to destroy much of what they have built, scrap […]
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. – Specialist Kenny Zweitbester, an infantryman assigned to 3rd Brigade, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), has not skipped leg day since he arrived at the unit nearly two years ago. “As a steely-eyed, barrel-chested Rakkasan, it’s important you never skip leg day,” Zweitbester said, as he tucked a pinch of cotton candy […]
FORT JACKSON, S.C. — Army Training and Doctrine Command announced this month that all captains will be required to take the Ice Bucket Challenge before leaving the Captain’s Career Course. “We think that this is great information for these young officers to know,” said Lt. Gen. Morgan Slater, TRADOC commander. “Many of them selected the […]
KABUL – US Gen. Scott Miller, Commander of the international coalition in Afghanistan, expressed confusion in the wake of the latest bombing in Farah province, which destroyed a bus and killed 32 civilians, including children. “Our intelligence has been trying to determine why the Taliban have continued to inflict violence upon innocent civilians despite not […]
GREENVILLE, S.C. –Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) released a video statement on YouTube today in which he assured voters he would stay in Afghanistan and fight the Taliban after the last U.S. forces withdraw from the country. In the video, Graham is seen wearing a “Grunt Style” t-shirt and sitting in a pickup truck, ranting for […]
RAQQA, Syria — The Islamic State (ISIS) has announced it will be retiring it aging fleet of Toyota Hilux “Technicals,” which have carried Jihad across the middle east for more than a decade. In place of the venerable pickup truck, the group has ordered several hundred Toyota Prius Primes, an ecofriendly plug-in hybrid vehicle, marking […]