Hangin' on Posco Pier!
PENTAGON — Air Force officials are sounding the alarm today about the greatest risk of the Trump administration’s plan to use military construction money to build a border wall — it could keep them from building more golf courses. The Pentagon operates 194 golf courses with 2,874 holes worldwide, mostly on Air Force bases. “These […]
WASHINGTON — Politicians celebrated after Congress voted today to lower the age a person can join the military, own a weapon, and drink thirty cans of Keystone Light before staggering to a voting booth. The new cutoff is sixteen, allowing wasted high-school sophomores to participate in and die for American democracy. “Just imagine the thrill […]
A Navy SEAL reassured a teammate dying from multiple gunshot wounds that this portion of his book would be “awesome,” sources confirmed today. “This is awesome. I’m talking about this on every stop of my book tour. No way I don’t hit the bestseller lists after this,” Chief Petty Officer Brian Costanza told his fellow […]
KHOST, Afghanistan — A U.S. Army forward observer’s bracket is “totally screwed” after only the first round, sources confirmed today. Bracketing is a common practice among casual observers and almost exclusively occurs in the post-winter months after the hangover of football season dissipates and the snow recedes. This period is often called “March Madness” or […]
By a concerned, underappreciated American citizen It has been 208 days since Sen. John McCain died and enough is enough. The reaction over the past few days by the “lame stream” media over comments President Donald Trump made regarding McCain are a constant, painful reminder that I have not yet been thanked for John McCain’s […]
FORT BENNING, Ga. – Soldiers in Headquarters Company, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division are in unanimous agreement that the new intelligence analyst has dethroned the chaplain’s assistant as the company’s top oddity, sources confirmed today. Spc. Eric Pridemore, the new all-source analyst, raised a few eyebrows when he arrived at the unit clad […]
PITTSBURGH — President Donald Trump reaffirmed his unwavering support for the troops who have not been captured, tortured, elected senator, or killed by brain cancer, in a speech today. “I love America and all true Americans,” Trump said, speaking to a group of civilian workers at a munitions plant in Pennsylvania. “But serving your country […]
AL-HOUL CAMP, Syria – ISIS bride Hoda Muthana is fighting to return from Syria the old fashioned American way — by running her own business until she can afford the airfare home. “I’ve always had this innate, entrepreneurial drive,” said Muthana. “That’s why I created my own line of bath bombs and started a business […]
Feeling a little lonely while you do your shift at the duty desk? Pulling night watch in the motor pool and feeling a bit amorous? Or has it just been awhile since you got your ashes hauled or your clam slammed? Well, we hate to break it to you (if you didn’t already know), but […]
PLANTATION, Fla. — Rip It Energy Drinks teased plans for a unique can design that honors the 20 year anniversary of the Global War on Terror and will be available in combat zones by late 2021, in a press release today. “We want to go all out to impress our troops,” said head of Rip […]