Hangin' on Posco Pier!
Are you a suicide bomber aspirant struggling to succeed in today’s saturated market? Are you envious that everyone is calling Yusuf the “Damascus Dominator” because he courageously took out a room full of children with a suicide vest? We here at Duffel Blog understand that blowing yourself up can be a daunting, if not downright […]
DOHA, Qatar — Chief U.S. negotiator Zalmay Khalilzad repeated assurances today he received from the Taliban that they are “totally going to lay down their weapons and become peace loving, democratic civilians as soon as American forces leave.” American representatives have been engaged in talks with Taliban leaders in hope of a diplomatic resolution to […]
CAMP LEMONNIER, Djibouti – Pfc. Braddock Chase, the highest speed motivator in the 1-167th Infantry doesn’t listen to the haters and draggers and prefers to see the burn pits as half full, sources confirmed today. “A lot of guys, you know, focus on the bad shit. I focus on how much shit,” said Chase, coughing up […]
Aspiring military dictator wonders why agents from the future have not been sent to stop him… yet
Have we reached the end of publicly-supported, mutli-decade wars that have no estimable completion deadline and no clear-cut objectives? Now that they’re done ruining the turkey industry, it appears that millennials have found another staple of the American economy to kill. Recent polls conducted by Stanford University have indicated that youth born between the years […]
SAN DIEGO — Disney is ready to sprinkle some magic over future Navy deployments. The Navy plans to plus up its fleet over the next five years, but its manpower goals may as well be ‘to infinity and beyond.’ Even significant efforts aimed at immigrant and transgender communities failed to move the recruitment needle, but […]
FORT MEADE, Md. — A brood of cryptologists bravely poked their heads into the warming rays of the winter dawn before seeing their shadows and predicting an imminent government shutdown, sources with the National Security Agency confirmed today. “It’s going to be a long winter, but you’ll have plenty of time to think on it!” […]
PENTAGON — The Department of Defense is preparing to field a new life-skills program aimed at helping service members about to separate from active service break the compulsive habit of drawing penises everywhere, sources confirmed today. The launch of the “Cock-Stopper Class,” comes in the wake of a U.S. Air Force B-52 squadron commander’s firing over […]