Hangin' on Posco Pier!
Dear Signature Block, I love my boyfriend, but there’s one thing I don’t love about him: his chain smoking. When we met, he’d occasionally have a cigarette at a party, but things got stressful at his work this year and now he smokes constantly. I’ve talked to him about stopping, but he says that I […]
HAJIN, Syria – In the last 6 years, ISIS leader Abu Omar al-Baghdadi has called for jihad, death to westerners, and martyrdom, but al-Baghdadi now faces his most ambition request so far: notes on his new screenplay, sources confirmed today. “A Terrorist and a Gentleman” is al-Baghdadi’s first attempt at writing drama. He describes the […]
Winter can be full of holiday parties, lazy snow days on the couch, and a few too many glasses of eggnog. Don’t get too comfortable, though, because spring is just around the corner! Are you ready for sand and sun? As you get ready for that big trip to Normandy or Tarawa, Duffel Blog is here […]
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — Senior Army officers and enlisted called for “disruptive thinkers” to come forward, so that they can more easily be identified and marginalized or even murdered, sources confirmed today. In the “Disruptive Thinkers” seminar, a select group of senior non-commissioned officers and commissioned officers of all ranks listened to Gen. Mark Milley, […]
FORT BELVOIR, Va. – Surprise and confusion occurred at the Defense Threat Reduction Agency (DTRA) headquarters when Army Maj. Greg Tomlinson wore his uniform for the first time in as long as any employee there can remember, sources confirmed today. “Wearing it felt weird,” Tomlinson said. “I’ve gained some weight, so I had to suck […]
SMALLVILLE, Kansas — Past residents of Camp Lejeune were recently sent invoices for any superpowers they may have developed from a series of incidents starting in 1953 that led to the toxic contamination of the drinking water supply in base housing, sources confirmed today. The invoices arrived after the Department of Veterans Affairs received several […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Department of Defense officials assured Eric Trump that a natural geologic shift of the magnetic North Pole would not jeopardize Santa Claus, his toy workshop, or Trump’s chances of receiving Christmas gifts, sources confirmed today. Trump expressed concerns about observations that the magnetic north pole is drifting, which he believed could interfere […]
BAGHDAD, Iraq — A soldier in Iraq is successfully avoiding the Uniform Code of Military Justice by living inside an amnesty box, sources confirmed today. Spc. Ray Thomas, a communications specialist deployed to Camp Taji, began residing in the amnesty box after becoming the focus of a 15-6 investigation into unauthorized drinking on post. “It […]
JOINT BASE MCGUIRE-DIX-LAKEHURST, N.J. — In an effort to join the E-4 mafia, a local soldier has instead joined the actual mafia, sources confirmed today. Newly-promoted Spc. Rafael Hernandez first realized something was amiss when, according to his testimony in court, he stuck a hastily-constructed shiv into the base of an old Italian man’s skull. “This […]
PENTAGON — Much like the search for the golden ticket in Willy Wonka, the country has erupted into a sweet Fortnite gaming sesh that doubles as real world operation to select the leader of all U.S. forces, sources confirmed today. Billed as a battle royale video game, Fortnite has players vie to prove themselves worthy of […]