Month: December 2018

Duffel Blog Presents: Holiday gift ideas for your favorite vetbro


You honored the hell out of your military friends and family for Veterans Day. And the Marine Corps birthday. And the Fourth of July. And Memorial Day. And Labor Day for some reason. But now what do you get the ultimate veteran for Christmas? Don’t sweat it. Duffel Blog’s got you. Our editors curated the […]

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Space Force now soliciting uniform concepts from industry


Two months ago, President Donald Trump announced the creation of a new branch of military service within the Department of Defense, the U.S. Space Force. A recently released Pentagon report revealed that, almost immediately after the President’s announcement, a Pentagon official named Mr. James Fortran deployed to various locations within the U.S. in an attempt to […]

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Navy pranks Army with 17 years of sustained land-based combat just before Army-Navy game


PHILADELPHIA — Midshipmen carried on a long tradition of friendly hijinks just before their collegiate rivalry game by pranking Army with 17 years of sustained land-based combat to just “get in their heads” before the big game today. “We thought, what if these guys who aren’t old enough to drink figure out they’ve dedicated their […]

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Pentagon buys F-35 with unpaid GI Bill benefits


WASHINGTON — The Pentagon is getting one extra F-35 this year, thanks to the Department of Veterans Affairs screwing thousands of veterans out of GI Bill benefits. Lord pounced on the lost funds after VA officials told Congressional staffers that underpaid benefits would not be reconciled. Fixing the payment issue would require the VA to […]

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Zip-tied Somali pirates bet on how many SEAL memoirs they’ll be in


MOGADISHU, Somalia — Four zip-tied Somali nationals placed bets on how many Navy SEAL memoirs they would be featured in, according to three SEAL memoirs already published since yesterday’s stand-off. “Three shots in the dark, and the sacred rite of warfare had ended,” read one description of the mission in 2nd Class Petty Officer Jim […]

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Level 63 Paladin granted religious exemption to grow neckbeard


FORT MEADE, Md. – A sailor successfully petitioned for unrestrained growth of his facial hair on the grounds of religious expression, sources aboard Cryptologic Warfare Group Six revealed today. The Navy’s controversial determination allows the pious sailor to keep with his World of Warcraft (WoW) faith as a devoted servant of the Holy Light and follows closely […]

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Border Wall to be constructed out of unfinished Coast Guard cutters


EL PASO, Texas — Federal authorities have awarded over 30 unfinished Coast Guard cutters to a Texas company to build 12 miles of wall along the U.S.-Mexico border in the Chihuahuita area, sources confirm today. Texas contractor FLURP Inc. will begin construction of a 418-foot reinforced steel levee wall in January in the agency’s El […]

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Last American president to actually win a war has passed on


Former President George H.W. Bush, who fought in World War II as a naval aviator and as the 41st president from 1989 to 1993, led American forces to decisive military victories over major powers including Iraq and Panama, died peacefully on Friday night at his home in Houston. He was 94 years old. Bush began […]

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Pokemon’s Lieutenant Surge hopelessly lost in Viridian Forest


KANTO, JAPAN – Lt. Surge, the electric type gym leader of Pokemon’s Vermillion City, is missing, sources confirmed today. The eight foot tall, frosted-tip behemoth – and Japan’s only frame of reference for Americans – disappeared during a battalion field exercise in the Viridian Forest last week. “This happened during maneuvers on Mount Moon,” said […]

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Army sniper unable to hit toilet bowl


FORT BENNING, Ga. – A local Army sniper met his match as he failed to successfully hit a toilet bowl at a nearby tavern, sources confirmed today. Sgt. Doug Taylor, a 28-year old native of Des Moines, Iowa, missed his mark after whipping out his rifle and repeatedly failing to strike the water in the […]

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