Hangin' on Posco Pier!
HEAVEN — Sources reported today that supreme Judeo-Christian deity God allegedly forgot to capitalize “Marine,” adding that the blunder was His “most egregious oversight since the creation of the mosquito, or maybe the e-cigarette — who knows — they’re both a blight on humanity.” His Imminence had commanded the baking of a birthday cake for […]
If you’ve spent any significant amount of time in the military, you’ve no doubt heard some urban legends and rumors related to the service. These might include sightings of various mythological creatures associated with the military and veteran communities – ones we suspect may exist, like Bigfoot or Nessie, but which have never been confirmed […]
In celebration of winning the Texas 2nd District congressional seat, former Navy SEAL Dan Crenshaw stabbed comedian Pete Davidson in the eye today, which is no big deal. Many see the response as fitting because of Davidson’s recent casual jokes about Crenshaw’s eyepatch, which he wears for a combat injury, on Saturday Night Live. “I […]
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — An intensive 10 year study completed by a U.S. Army soldier with pus-filled abscesses where his teeth used to be suggests that drinking in excess of eight Rip-Its per day may help humans live longer, sources confirmed today. Spc. Brett Luers, who was both the subject and administrator of the study, […]
HOBOKEN, N.J. — Members of the 444th Mobile Public Affairs Detachment (MPAD), 63rd Army Band, and Family Readiness Program deployed to Manhattan in support of Operation Blind Panderer, sources confirmed today. President Donald Trump tweeted out a state of emergency after Saturday Night Live cast member Pete Davidson made a lame joke about Congressional candidate Dan […]
EVANSVILLE, Ind. — A Marine Corps lance corporal informed friends that he was deploying again because combat was like a drug, despite the fact that he has never tried drugs or combat, sources confirmed today. Lance Cpl. Alex Grayson, the one Marine who joined without lying about trying pot, just once, likened his experiences in Kuwait […]
CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. – The Marine Corps achieved another military first when a rubber training rifle—more commonly known as a “rubber duck”—achieved a confirmed kill, sources confirm today. “I’ve trained hard for this moment from the beginning of my career, but it wasn’t my doing, it was the Marines around me and the circumstances that […]
The group said it wished it thought of the idea.
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Special operators will no longer be allowed to wear black face paint after biting criticism from activist groups, sources confirmed today. The move is aimed to stop the controversial practice of channeling one’s inner black dude before infiltrating a compound. “We are not 100 percent woke, but this is a big step,” […]
NORFOLK, Va. — Filming of the highly anticipated sequel to 1986 hit “Top Gun” was halted last week after the entire fleet of CGI F-35s was grounded, sources confirm today. “Top Gun: Maverick“, which began filming in mid-August aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, stars Tom Cruise returning to his iconic role as U.S. Naval aviator Pete […]