Hangin' on Posco Pier!
NASHVILLE — The Seamons family wanted nothing more than their father to return from his one-year deployment to Bahrain, but in keeping with the ongoing trend of emotionally manipulating your children for social media gain, Air Force Senior Master Sgt. Bill Seamons delivered a coffin to the front door of his residence and hid inside […]
BEAVERTON, Ore. — Nike has issued a public apology to the military community after creating an advertisement featuring the text “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything,” over a picture of a football player who is not a military veteran, sources confirmed today. “We completely forgot that the only sacrifice that means anything […]
WASHINGTON — An innovative new veteran’s non-profit is using private donations and support from several national airlines to reunite veterans with the shady shit they did in the past in their final days, sources confirmed today. The program, called Dishonor Flight, has now helped more than 200 World War II veterans get back to the […]
KABUL — Senior Afghan and American commanders are celebrating following a ribbon-cutting ceremony to open the Afghanistan National Army’s Corruption Center of Excellence, sources confirmed today. The Center, which will offer anywhere between one week to six months of course-work to soldiers depending on how much they bribe military officials, is being hailed as an […]
WASHINGTON — The director of the Defense Advanced Research Project Agency announced today the agency would be ending its pro bono research and development relationship with Google and other Silicon Valley tech firms. Founded in 1958, DARPA spent decades conducting cutting edge research for the most difficult problems faced by the military, while working on […]
KABUL — The U.S. Resolute Support mission, which oversees NATO forces in Afghanistan, on Wednesday conducted a change of command ceremony for the approximately 32,435th time in the 67-year-old war or whatever the hell it is now, sources confirmed today. Gen. John W. NoOneEvenCaresAtThisPoint relinquished command to fellow Army Gen. Austin S. NotGonnaWinTheWarEither in a […]
ABILENE, Texas — A Texas National Guardsman says he is suffering from “emotional scars” after returning from a deployment to the U.S.-Mexico border, sources confirmed today. Spc. Anthony Romo, who deployed for a two week rotation to guard his home state’s border from illegal immigrants by watching movies in an air-conditioned tent, told reporters that […]