Month: September 2018

Jody Moth makes sure soldier’s lamp is okay


Don’t trust him.

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Pentagon celebrates first successful F-35 crash in South Carolina


The downing of an F-35 out of Beaufort is yet another historic feat for the $115 million aircraft, officials said.

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Pentagon bans female service-members from jogging amid safety concerns


Some other initiatives are being considered to help women exercise less provocatively in safer environments.

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Army hopeful new combat fitness test will turn the tide of war in Afghanistan


PENTAGON — After 40 years of the same physical fitness test, the Army has announced a new combat focused test that will reverse its recent spate of war loses dating back to Vietnam, sources confirmed today. “The new test is combat-focused,” said Esper. “It’s a game changer. Clearly our inability to properly test our soldiers’ […]

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Opinion: Are we dead or just in Kuwait?


An existential op-ed written by your squad leader in Camp Buehring, Kuwait.

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Navy plans to reduce suicide by monitoring sailors at all times


NORFOLK, Va. — The U.S. Navy plans to reduce suicide in its ranks by monitoring sailors at all times, sources confirmed today. “Not a moment will pass in a sailor’s life where they will not be under observation,” Vice Adm. Robert Burke, deputy chief of naval operations, told reporters. “Sailors will feel secure knowing there […]

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Mattis says he’s ‘absolutely not’ leaving Pentagon while carrying cardboard box out to his car


THE PENTAGON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis told a number of reporters that he “absolutely” wasn’t leaving his post at the Pentagon “any time soon” as he made his way out to his car with a large cardboard box, sources confirmed today. “I wouldn’t take these stories seriously at all,” Mattis said of recent news […]

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Cleveland Browns relieve 1st SFAB in Afghanistan


“Oh, thank God,” said Brig. Gen. Scott Jackson, the outgoing commander of 1st SFAB.

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‘War (What is it good for)’ singer admits war actually quite good for boosting economy, creating jobs


He admitted in his private notes that there were some technical inaccuracies in the lyrics.

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Opinion: I am very tired


By Gen. Robert Neller, Commandant of the Marine Corps Good Morning, Marines. As the 37th Commandant of the Marine Corps, it is my distinct privilege to lead and serve you in this unique and essential war-fighting organization. Despite the hardship of this position and the responsibility it entails, working alongside our dedicated Marines and Sailors […]

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